In the News

“The world is divided between those who think they’re right.”
~Tara Brach

I don’t remember when I heard Tara Brach say this, I just know that I had to immediately write it down.

I do remember that my first thought was, “Right! They all do that!” and I also know that I must pull back and remember that I think I’m right too. In fact, sometimes I know I’m right.

So many of our challenges – at work and at home, as individuals, groups, and even countries – stem from how much we think we’re right.

At least that’s what I think, and I feel pretty right about that.

I was talking with a client the other day. They had a lot going on – at work and at home – and they had been handling it up until then. But even from the very beginning of our phone call, it was clear that my client was done. Done in, in fact.

There are times when we seem to be managing everything, even when the everything is more than can be managed. And then, as if out of nowhere, it is suddenly too much. As if out of nowhere, we can’t keep going.

It’s happened to me. I’m guessing it’s happened to you.

The problem is, we almost always have to keep going, even when we can’t keep going anymore. So, what do we do?

Being greeted by an overflowing inbox and a hectic meeting schedule may cause you to suffer from the back-to-work blues, making it difficult to focus on that mountain of work in front of you. Business coach Robyn McLeod, says succumbing to the pressure to speed back into work can undo any benefits you may have received from taking a break.

There’s no going back to “normal” after the last 12 months. What does normal even mean at this point? (And, as the most recent shootings remind us, there are some things we never want to be normal.) Our lives, realities, and perspectives have been changed in profound (and for many, painful) ways – but it appears there is light at the end of the tunnel at least in regard to COVID as more people become fully vaccinated, communities begin to open up, and our ability to see (and hug!!) our family and friends becomes a reality. And yet, things still look and feel very, very different from life in February 2020 – in some ways better and in some ways worse.

I have that voice in my head. You know, the one that jumps in quickly to tell me what a f—k up I am? Or that is always willing to second-guess a decision I’ve made or action I’ve taken? That willingly questions me and critiques me, and often therefore sabotages me?

I have that voice so much that I gave her a name. She’s “my editor,” and boy does she invariably have something to say…and usually something to say that beats me up (or down).

We have a saying in my house. Or at least I do. “That’s right, I was done talking,” I share when someone interrupts me. “I wasn’t just taking a breath.”

Why is it that we, or at least many of us, feel the need to jump in with our thoughts and comments before the person we’re speaking with is done? We cut others off mid-thought, mid-sentence, and even mid-word sometimes, and somehow think it’s okay.

I often hear leaders express frustration when they get negative feedback from their team. “Why am I just now hearing this?” they may ask. “I don’t understand where this is coming from,” they lament. They are often caught off-guard or confused about the feedback they are hearing because it is not in line with what they believe about the situation or it is the first time they are hearing the issues raised. It does not have to be this way. If you want to know what your team thinks, you have to make it a priority to give them opportunities and channels for sharing their points of view.

Have you ever been in the midst of a conversation with someone, only to realize you have no idea what they’ve just been saying to you? Have you ever acted on something you discussed with someone, only to have them corner you later and state, “I never said that!”? Have you ever been so concerned with your point of view, or needs, or perspective, or issues that you’ve paid very little, or no,attention to the person with whom you’ve been speaking?

Summer is a time many of us look forward to and long for. Long days. Chilling in a hammock or on the beach. Barbeques, cold beers, time just hanging with friends…or playing with our kids. We remember the endless summers of our youth – catching fireflies, licking dripping ice cream cones and bomb pops, spending afternoons in the lake or the pond or the pool – and envision what a wonderful season we’ll have.

Then reality hits. There’s too much to do, too many emails to answer, and too many responsibilities.

And then it’s fall.

If you’re in the Northeast, like we are, you were hit by quite a storm. In my home, we had shoveled four times, and every time I looked outside it was as if we never shoveled at all. The snow kept coming and coming and coming, and it felt like it would never stop.

It was getting old.

That pretty much is a theme I’m hearing from clients recently. The pandemic. Leading in this new virtual way. Home schooling. Zoom calls. Divisive politics. It is all getting old.

Read Lisa Kohn’s article on Wisebrain.org where she shares how she learned to face her terrors, allow herself joy, and overcome a childhood that was filled with trauma to become more Thoughtful and present in her life and her leadership.

There were two times I recall being in interim roles during my career. One went really well, and the other was a disaster. There are many reasons why people end up being an Interim (fill in the blank Title), but usually it stems from a boss resigning or leaving the organization in some way, and someone has to fill in while the organization figures out what to do about the vacancy. The length of time for interim roles can vary, but I have seen interim appointments last almost a year or more (which, by the way, is not good!). What I have seen for myself, and from working with my coaching clients who have been interim leaders, is that there are ways to successfully navigate an interim position and make it a great opportunity – and there are pitfalls to avoid so that the experience does not end up being a huge anxiety-producing disappointment.

There comes a time when you have to make a decision, but sometimes that time comes and you still lack clarity. You’re stuck. What do you do?

Your team may be looking to you for a final call on the next direction. Your boss may be looking to you for a plan for a new project. Your client may be looking to you for a recommendation. You may be debating between two (or more) options, unsure of how best to move forward.

What do you do?