Are you someone who goes and goes and goes at work until you hit a wall? Or are you someone who tends to be the person everyone comes to when they have an issue or need help? Or maybe you’re someone who puts off the things that matter to you because you have so many other things that people are counting on you for? Does the quote “You’re not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm” feel a little too spot-on?
There are many times when a coaching client will spend time talking about their fear of disappointing or failing others while ignoring their own needs or challenges. That’s when I ask them to be selfish – centering or prioritizing what they need for themselves in the moment. Words like “selfish” and “self-centered” are seen as bad, and not a way you would want to be described. And yes, there are narcissistic, self-centered people who think only of themselves, place themselves above other people, and treat others badly. That’s not who this is focused on and not who I’m suggesting you become. But sometimes the actions and behaviors of putting yourself first are essential for a better life and more Thoughtful leadership. Here are ten of them:
- Say “No” more often – to other people’s crises, to the distractions you’re tolerating. So that you have the space and time to say “yes” to what is important and urgent for you.
- Step away from your work and take care of yourself – stretch, move, eat slowly, close your eyes.
- Delegate – you’d be surprised how many people feel under-utilized at work. Assign tasks and projects, and ask for help.
- Set boundaries around how and when people can ask for your help or guidance – don’t allow yourself to be the venting station.
- Let go of the need to fix things or always be the first one to step in to save something or someone – you don’t have to be the “mom” or “dad” of the office. Try giving someone else a chance to respond and help out first.
- Commit to prioritizing at least two “me” things this week, and keep that going – give yourself time and permission to do the things you love but keep casting aside for the “more important” things.
- Take time off – it’s not a nice to have, it’s a must.
- Ask for help and grace when you’re feeling stretched or overwhelmed – rather than doubling down and burning out.
- Be honest with yourself about the toll you are placing on yourself – if you can’t be honest with yourself, then ask someone who loves you what they think.
- Do nothing – it’s ok to sit still and breathe. And then check in with yourself (your body, mind, and spirit) to reflect on how you’re really doing.
Only you can take back your time and attention, and gift it to yourself. Being more self-focused or self-centered will give you more balance, more connection with the people and things you love, and more energy for helping others.
What do you do to be selfish and prioritize yourself?
Please leave a comment.
If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.
For coaching support to be more self-centered, contact Robyn at rmcleod@chatsworthconsulting.com.
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