“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”
~Oscar Wilde
I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I still do. And having lived through the three C’s plus – Covid, concussions, cancer – and all the unexpected detours that followed, I know that mistakes are even more inevitable.
I used to dwell on my mistakes, but experience has helped me to see them not as failures, but as formative steps in my journey. Mistakes have taught me patience and reminded me to laugh instead of get upset, to reset and try again, and to rely on the power of repair when my mistakes affect others. Here are other lessons taught by my mistakes:
- Give myself grace – Being patient with myself and avoiding the barrage of self-criticism that can bubble up keeps me more grounded and helps me to slow down.
- Slow down – Going too fast and not being fully present and attentive leads to mistakes. When I breathe, slow my pace, and engage more intentionally in what I’m doing, I’m less likely to make mistakes.
- Trust others more deeply – When a coaching approach doesn’t resonate, or a suggestion misses the mark, I’m reminded that my clients are the experts in their own lives, and my role is to listen, hold space, be curious, and offer my insights without attachment.
- Experiment more – A new idea for a keynote, a fun and creative exercise for a client retreat, an out-of-the-box proposal – sometimes they’re on point and sometimes they stumble. But there’s value in each attempt – seeing what connects, what confuses, what needs a little refinement, and moving through the nervousness of trying something new.
- Build systems – Having a core group of trusted friends and colleagues who I can rely on and help me catch what I miss makes a big difference. Using technology and apps as backup is another reliable resource.
So, how can you apply these ideas to your teams?
As a leader, one of your most powerful roles is to create environments where your team can make mistakes without fear and learn important lessons along the way.
- Be willing to model what it looks like – Own your missteps with humility and transparency, and share what you learned from trying a different way.
- Respond with curiosity – Instead of treating errors as evidence of incompetence, see them as signs of engagement, risk-taking, and growth. Ask “What did this teach us?” and “How might we adjust next time?”
- Create structures for support – Of course your teams are busy, but devote regular time to reflection, debriefs, and retrospectives anyway. Create team rituals and principles around turning mistakes into shared experience and build trust along the way.
We all get a lot more right than we do wrong. Don’t let mistakes overshadow all the things you do well – and when you do mess up, learn from the experience.
How have you learned from your mistakes?
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If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.
For support in gaining experience, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.
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