We were with one of our amazing clients recently, facilitating a retreat for the entire office. It was our third year with them, and as the team has grown and evolved over the years, so have the conversations we can have with them.
We worked hard on designing a great and engaging retreat agenda. We knew what they wanted to cover, what they needed to work on, and where they needed to get to by the end of the time together. We worked in the interactive exercises, the brainstorming, the deep discussions, the individual reflection, and the breaks.
It all went as planned on Day 1, and then Day 2 began. We were on track with what we had planned, but it soon became apparent that there were conversations not allotted for on the agenda that needed to happen. There were feelings and perspectives surfacing that needed to be given space and time.
So, we let go of the need to stick to our well-planned agenda and did what we have been doing more often recently. We paused, took a deep breath, and trusted our clients to dance with us – taking turns with who was leading – to get to where they truly needed to go.
Over the decades we’ve learned many things about how to effectively facilitate necessary, sometimes hard, conversations. Building a structure and a plan for how things should best unfold is an essential step. We’ve learned to start with the outcomes they desire and build backwards, forwards, and sometimes sideways from there. We’ve learned to build in flexibility with pivot-friendly exercises and discussion methods tucked away in our back pocket in case they’d be useful.
However, over the past few years especially, we’ve noticed that the unexpected emerges, current events within or outside of the group affect the energy and focus, and we’ve learned that sometimes you can’t plan for what needs to happen. You can’t always anticipate and structure the deeper conversations that need to be had. You can’t move past previously unexpressed feelings or misconceptions or viewpoints until they’re given ample room to be aired and considered.
With this client, we pivoted and reimagined and restructured. We took longer breaks. We made space for unexpected vulnerability. We twisted and turned as seemed to fit them best.
And the amazing thing? As always seems to happen, they got to exactly where they needed to be in the way they needed to. When we trusted ourselves, our clients, and the process, we led together toward what was needed most in that moment.
You don’t have to have decades of facilitation experience to learn to go more with the flow as necessary conversations surface. It’s “simply” a matter of: 1) trusting in in the process; 2) trusting in yourself and the team; 3) tapping into that trust enough to let go of what you planned; 4) letting go of what you are sure you know; and 5) being willing to see what emerges.
We turned to each other at the end of Day 3 and jokingly said, “Why do we create agendas anyway?” Trust me, we of course always will. But more often, as we facilitate and “dance” in the moment, we realize that sometimes the client, and we, don’t know exactly what needs to happen until we’re in the room creating together.
And then it’s really, really fun.
When have you let go of your agenda to let even better outcomes emerge?
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If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.
If you want someone to read the room for you, or to guide you to read the room, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.
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