In my coaching practice, I have worked with many clients who hear feedback from their boss, peers, and even their staff that they need to speak up more often. Almost always, these are leaders who are highly regarded and considered smart and technically proficient in their work. They can be counted on to get things done – and done well. They are leaders who never say no to additional projects and are rarely involved in conflicts. But the fact that they’re not speaking up more often is getting in the way of their leadership – and their ability to step into bigger jobs – even with all these great qualities.
Does this sound like you or someone you work with?
So many great qualities and yet, people want to hear from you more often. They want to hear your opinions, your perspective, your stance on important or difficult issues. When you dig underneath this situation, I often find that my clients who receive this feedback believe that most people talk too much and don’t say a lot. They prefer to let their work speak for itself. They also may be afraid of being judged, or worse, being wrong. It can be really hard for them to push against those beliefs and share their ideas and thoughts in the moment…or at all.
The problem with holding on to those beliefs and not sharing your insights is that your colleagues miss out on the benefit of your perspective, and they lose the opportunity to know where you stand and what you stand for, what matters to you, and where you may see things differently than they do. All of that is important for effective work relationships and effective teams.
If you are someone who people want to hear more from, here are a few suggestions:
- Be willing to share a thought that is not perfectly thought through – Your desire to formulate the best answer or the most articulate thought will likely lead you to delay commenting or miss the opportunity to offer your ideas. As you’re finding the right words, others are jumping in, and the conversation moves on without you. Find ways to share perhaps when you’re not completely ready to. Practice this in less ‘threatening’ situations so that you can become more comfortable with this new, perhaps scary, behavior.
- Make the implicit explicit – It may seem obvious to you, but that idea, insight, or perspective you have needs to be spoken. Often I hear from clients that they assume others have the same thought, so they don’t need to share it. Or that people know what they know – and it doesn’t need to be said. Saying what may seem implicit – making it explicit – can bring clarity, add an important viewpoint, get everyone on the same page, or connect dots that lead the conversation in a positive or different direction.
- Jump into a discussion early – The longer you take to speak, the more likely you will remain silent. So, commit to saying something early in a meeting or discussion – and it will be easier to contribute after that. Perhaps have a trusted colleague who can act as your accountability partner, so that you’re more likely to step in when you usually might stay more silent.
- Practice stepping out of the observer role – You may be most comfortable observing, assessing what is being said, and watching dynamics play out. That also means you are probably tuning in on important points others may be missing. When you catch yourself in that comfortable observer role, switch it up and share what you have observed.
- Schedule more one-on-ones with colleagues – Speaking up is not just about talking in meetings. It’s also about having more conversations with your colleagues so they hear what you think and get to know you better. Make it a goal to have at least one new one-on-one a week. Scheduling a 30-minute conversation with a colleague you would not necessarily meet with will open the door to better relationships and more understanding of you.
- Try “yes, and…” – It isn’t always necessary to have a brilliant, unique idea to contribute to a conversation. Sometimes simply building off of what someone else has said or suggested can be less intimidating and easier to tackle at first. Challenge yourself to find an “add-on” when you can during your next conversations.
The good news is people want to hear what you have to say. They know you have a lot to offer, and they feel they are missing out on your great ideas and insights. So, speak up, speak out, and join the conversation.
What helps you to speak up more often?
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This may be some sound advice for the broader audience. However, this perspective doesn’t account for is the realities of BIPOC people, especially Black men. I argue that speaking up can actually be counterproductive for this group as they can be viewed as ‘not team players’ for offering perspectives that do not align with others regardless of how nice and professional they may say it. If they are a numerical minority, speaking up only exacerbates their minority status and can cause them to become isolated because no one wants to appear aligned with a ‘trouble maker.’ Research has consistently shown that racial tropes and stereotypes such as the angry Black woman or man arise whenever people are assertive versus docile. And while this may not always be the case, it happens more often than not.
Thank you for weighing in on this important topic, Nasir. I agree that as Black people, we often have to navigate systemic workplace bias — whether conscious or unconscious — that can shape how we choose to engage. In particularly tense situations where psychological safety is lacking, remaining silent or withholding our perspectives might feel like the most prudent choice. From my experience, though, that should not become the norm.
When we over-regulate our behavior to fit in or avoid being labeled, we risk losing parts of ourselves in the process. Worse, systemic bias may persist unchecked, even flourish, when we make ourselves smaller to avoid discomfort.
In my coaching work with BIPOC professionals, we often explore ways to communicate more authentically — whether by sharing their point of view, advocating for ideas, inviting dialogue, setting boundaries, asking questions, or telling a story. Many share that initially, speaking up feels risky — but over time, it becomes easier and deeply liberating.
It’s critical to remember that silence communicates too. When we don’t speak up, others may assume we have nothing to contribute, lack confidence or knowledge, or aren’t interested or equipped to participate. These misperceptions can lead to exclusion and missed opportunities to be consulted or considered.
It’s a tough landscape to navigate, no doubt — but I believe the more we raise our voices, the greater our influence and the more we can shift the dynamics for ourselves and others.
As a high school English teacher who is always touting the values of oral participation, this article made my day! Thank you for providing a valuable resource for me to share with my students about the importance of developing this skill now so that they will be prepared for leadership posisions in the real world.
Thank you so much for your message, Beth! It is so true that the earlier we practice and develop these skills the better. Your students are fortunate to have you there to support and guide them.
Negotiating to yes always seems to generate consistent positive outcomes.
Thank you for your comment, Charles. It’s great that this approach has been so effective for you. Thank you for sharing.
I agree with Nasir comment” I argue that speaking up can actually be counterproductive for this group as they can be viewed as ‘not team players’ for offering perspectives that do not align with others, speaking up can cause them to become isolated because no one wants to appear aligned with a ‘trouble maker.’ ” See something , say something just a company motto -very PC -in reality speaking up to inconsistency and issues gets you isolated, no longer included in communications w/team, put out to pasture so to speak, and now re-assigned to another team. Right is right and wrong is wrong. I have seen this process with others over the years for “troublemaker” it happens when documentation is needed (you need to be “retrained” before you boot. Don’t be fooled -executives do not like to be challenged when they are wrong-No retaliation in workplace is “perspective” on how it is perceived.
Thank you for your comment.
There absolutely are times when NOT speaking up may be a safer choice, but we’ve found that, except for within harsh and toxic environments, speaking up – when done effectively – can be well received. From your description, it seems that you are in a team or organization that’s not safe. In that case, we would agree that, unless you can get support from outside the team, keeping quiet may be a more prudent choice.
That said, there are environments where questions, concerns, and well explained disagreements are welcome, and yet some of us still hold back. Perhaps the overall question is, “Am I holding back because the environment isn’t safe or am I holding back because of my self-imposed limitations?”