I was in my Transformational Coaching course last week, and our instructor reminded us of one of my favorite Martin Luther King, Jr. quotes.
“Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
In this course we are learning the importance of acknowledging – and feeling – emotions. Those that may be “trapped” in us from decades ago, because we weren’t safe or willing to feel them, and those that emerge every single day. When we’re frustrated with others, and we can’t acknowledge it. When our company is in turmoil, and no one admits to being even a bit nervous. When everyone is talking around an issue, and no one is talking about what is truly going on. In this course, we are learning not only to sit with our own emotions, but to create safe space where our clients – leaders in all industries and walks of life – can sit with theirs, so they are better equipped and regulated to lead.
Perhaps no surprise, we were discussing the state of the world now. The hate. The fear. The suffering.
Our instructor reminded us of Dr. King’s powerful statement.
This gave me hope and made me think of the many clients in the not-for-profit, philanthropic, and social justice arenas whom Chatsworth Consulting Group is lucky to support. Now is a hard time for many people, an unsafe time for many people, and it definitely is for many of our clients.
We’ve recently spent time helping several teams process all that’s happening and how it’s affecting them personally, their work, and their organizations – and develop a plan for moving forward together. We helped them create a forum to acknowledge their emotions, call out their triggers, notice how their thinking patterns are helping or hurting them – and then figure out how to do the work they want and have to do.
Basically, they are examining their mindsets and finding a way to shift their mindsets to help them face what is coming and move strongly and cohesively forward.
Your mindset – the way your mind generally views the world – affects everything you do and everyone you interact with.
It’s something you can shift.
When your mindset is more fixed, you believe your abilities, and therefore your ability to handle a situation, are fixed. You are more likely to avoid challenges, to give up easily, and to see your efforts as pointless. This doesn’t help any of us at any time, and is especially detrimental when things are hard.
When you have more of a growth mindset, you believe you have the agency to make a difference and to learn and grow. You are more likely to learn from experiences, to embrace challenges, and to persist in the face of setbacks and hardship.
This is a time that requires us to shift our mindsets toward the possibility of growth, of small wins on the way, of hope, and following Dr. King’s guidance, toward love.
Our clients asked us how they can keep supporting each other and moving forward as positively as possible, and we’ve offered them a few somewhat simple steps to take. These include:
- making time to connect with their teams and employees on a personal level – to check in to see how people are feeling and doing
- starting meetings with a few minutes of breathing or “grounding” to help people regulate their bodies and emotions and to be more present for discussions
- calling out their thinking patterns or mindsets, as well as their behaviors, that are helping them or holding them back, both individually and as a team, department, and/or organization
- giving themselves and each other grace when things get hard and we all get activated – this doesn’t excuse inexcusable behavior, but it can give us all a cushion to hopefully be a bit less activated and reactive
- acknowledging three things that went well or they’re grateful for and what they did to help make them happen, both individually and as a community – this opens our minds to possibilities and hope while also reminding us of our agency
- holding themselves accountable to themselves and each other for not only their work, but also for their humanity – remembering Dr. King’s message and all the above somewhat simple steps
Now is a hard time. We can be thrown about by the winds, or we can notice, admit, and move to shift our mindsets so that our love can drive out hate.
If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.
For support for you and/or your team in moving forward strongly together, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.
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