“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”~Eleanor Roosevelt
We often feel hurt by others. Or slighted. We may feel attacked, or put down.
I hate to tell you this, but we sometimes have a part in it.
Years ago someone said something very harsh to me, or at least it felt harsh at the time. In reality, it was a wakeup call I needed.
I was upset, I think even crying, about some situation and something someone had done to me. About how someone else was making me feel.
“There are no victims,” this person shared with me, “Only volunteers.” It sunk in. Basically, I think he was pointing out that if I wasn’t a child anymore (and I clearly wasn’t), then I had the choice of whether to stay in this painful situation, and I had a choice over whether I would let myself get dragged down by it.
“No one can make you feel anything,” I’ve told my kids. “You are in charge of your feelings.” I’ve found this to be true, especially when it comes to someone making me feel less than, or not good enough.
No one can put me down unless I choose to agree with it. Or perhaps they can choose to put me down, but I can choose whether or not it will affect me, whether or not I’ll believe what they said, and whether or not I’ll stick around for more.
It may sometimes feel like we don’t have the choice of whether or not to stick around. We may need the job with the boss who teases us, or the colleague who treats us as less than they are.
We may not have a choice about whether or not to leave the job, but we always have a choice about how much we let someone get to us. Years ago my coach offered me a great tool. It may be a bit hooey for some, but it really works. It’s a “bubble.”
Basically, we all have (or can have) a “bubble” around ourselves, and no one can come in our bubble – and affect us – unless we let them. My bubble can be as big and wide as I need it to be, in order to have the space and protection I crave. And when someone comes at my bubble, and slimes it, I can take out my (organic) cloth and cleaner and wipe my bubble down, so that I have a clear view of the world.
No one can make me feel anything, especially inferior, unless I let them. And I’m deciding not to let them anymore.
How do you keep your bubble clean?
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For help in not letting others get to you, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.
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Can I say this came right on time. This is so true, you are in control of how you want to feel. It does take some real soul searching to be able to identify with this, and with time we begin to realize and embrace that not everyone that’s a part of your circle belongs in your circle. I lived a bad hurt last summer with whom I thought was our best friends for life, this was a big eye opener on how you view someone and how someone views you. You might be a very genuine person but they might not always appreciate your genuinity, you might think they have your back because you have their back 100{97a243e3a9bf65ebe8495286bde36d0e09bf6d11d39083dafa2fdcd77d523a68}, I have learned, when it comes to the test, that’s when you know who is for you and who is not.
I celebrated my wedding anniversary on Royal Caribbean last year, I had to submit a dining list as we had 70 people in our group. That night at dinner, the dining list didn’t quite get allocated as submitted, so there were people including myself, who were placed at other tables. In the meantime Royal Caribbean asked us to sit at our tables for this one night and it would be corrected the next night. Well, my best friends decided not to move the next night and when they were asked to sit at their correct designated table they decided to leave and did not return for the entire week of the cruise. I literally cried, I had a horrible week, I allowed them to steal my joy for the entire week, I allowed them to take away every minute that I put into planning this event, I allowed them to determine how I spent my time on board. It was an awful feeling of hurt, no matter how my husband tried to comfort and reassure me that I did nothing wrong, I just couldn’t shake it that easily. Now, I am good, it was a good life lesson for me and today I can humbly say I am good. I will be in charge of how I want to spend my day and my life. To God be all the glory.
Thank you for commenting. We’re glad that our blog post was valuable to you, and that you are good now.