The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog
Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on May 20, 2013
“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” George Bernard Shaw
I have clients (and colleagues, and friends, and family members…and myself at times) who are so afraid of messing up that they don’t do anything. Who are interested in learning a new skill or stepping up at work or going after their dream, but stop themselves before they move forward because they hate the thought of making a blunder or seeming like they don’t know what they’re doing.
But doing nothing is worse than making a mistake by far. It keeps us stagnant and, at times, bored. It keeps us from learning and growing. It keeps us from connecting with other people and stretching beyond what we know.
So what if you don’t know what you’re doing? What if you might make a fool of yourself, or try something and fail? How can we let that be okay when we’re driven to excel, to look like we know nearly everything, to always do our best?
What if our best includes making mistakes so that we can learn new things? That’s a paradigm shift. Remember, I’m the one who didn’t like learning to ski because I wasn’t good at it at first. I didn’t want to fall down; instead I wanted to ski flawlessly down the mountain the first time. So I know how to learn to be okay with making mistakes – and as I’ve shared my experiences with my clients, they share theirs with me. And together we’ve learned to:
- admit to others when we’re trying something new, so that when we stumble (or fall) they’re not as shocked
- ask for help (and patience) as we try new things
- celebrate our new learnings (and ourselves) along the way – even our mistakes
- break our dreams, goals, and new assignments down into smaller pieces, so that they’re not as daunting and if (or when) we do make mistakes, the mistakes have fewer negative ramifications
Allowing ourselves to make mistakes is the only way we can allow ourselves to try, learn, and do new things. It is more honorable and useful than doing nothing. But it takes Thoughtful preparation and patience, and often a sense of humor!
Try something new. Make a mistake. Keep going.
How do you let yourself make mistakes to learn? Click here to share.
Listen for the voices in your head that tell you you can’t do something that you long to do – and then do that thing and see what happens.
For support in making mistakes and being okay with that, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.
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Posted by Lisa Kohn on May 16, 2013
 It is true that many of us sit for hours each day. According to Nilofer Merchant, in this short and powerful TED video, most of us sit for over nine hours in a day, more than we sleep. And it is true that sitting that much can cause a health crisis – sitting has been linked to cancer, diabetes, and heart disease, to name a few.
To address our sitting epidemic, Nilofer offers us her revolutionary idea – schedule meetings over walks. Nilofer shares her personal experience that walking for her meetings helped her to think differently, brainstorm more effectively, and find better answers and better results.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on April 22, 2013
“A good time to laugh is anytime you can.” Linda Ellerbee
I can be very intense. Ask anyone who knows me. I can get caught in the seriousness of a situation, the meaning of a moment, the dilemma of a debate. I can work very hard to find value in each encounter and search for the hidden significance under every comment. And it can bog me down.
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Posted by Lisa Kohn on April 18, 2013
 It was not the first time my son said “No” to my “Yes” that day. It felt like the umpteenth, even if it was maybe only the third. I felt like I was slogging through sludge to get anywhere with him, to get anything done. And so I stopped. “I give up,” I said. “This feels as if I’m swimming upstream and I am not a salmon looking to spawn, so I refuse to swim upstream. I’m done fighting.”
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on April 1, 2013
“By yielding you may obtain victory.” Ovid
Just the other day I was about to tear my hair out because of my 3-year old son. All I needed to do was get out the door to run a few errands. And I swear, when I have an agenda, something I need to get done, it’s like he smells it. And he pushes equally hard in the opposite direction. I find myself screaming (at least inside) at him – and then I lose it even more because I know that that’s not the way I want to parent.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on February 18, 2013
“If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.” Joseph Campbell
Recently a client was discussing her upcoming choice between two new jobs. The discussion seemed like a cost-benefit analysis – all head and very little heart. “I should do this,” she said. “This makes the most sense. I really love that idea, but it’s probably not smart.” Now while the more “sensible” option may be the right one for her to pursue, it struck me how quickly we follow what seems “right” rather than what seems wonderful.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on February 4, 2013
“We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi
A neighbor stopped me the other day to complain about construction vehicles traveling through the area. She was concerned about the noise and safety of such large trucks going past her house. “Someone should get a neighborhood association started so that we can have a stronger voice,” she said. I agreed. We talked about the weather and then continued on our ways.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on January 14, 2013
“First say to yourself what you would be: then do what you have to do.” Epictetus
It all comes down to personal responsibility. We simply have to take responsibility to get ourselves where we want to be and to make ourselves who we want to be. But how?
It’s easy to complain. It’s easy to notice how hard it is to achieve our goals, or how long we’ve been working at them (or at least talking about them). It’s easy to wait for circumstances to change, or other people to change, or things to work out. It is so much harder to make the decision and then move forward no matter what. But it’s necessary. It’s the only way.
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Posted by Lisa Kohn on January 10, 2013
 I firmly believe in the power of coaching. I sometimes wonder if there’s anyone who believes in it more than I do. Coaching is a gift – for both the client and the coach – and an opportunity for the client to have a safe space, a sounding board, an outside opinion, a mirror, a person dedicated to being curious and asking tough questions, and a support system.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on December 24, 2012
“The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.” Ben Stein
One of the main reasons we don’t get what we want out of life is that we often don’t know what we want. We may be very clear on what we don’t want, but we forget to articulate what it is that we do want.
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Yuki Yang 
Thank you for this post! A great reminder to get out of my comfort zone and “thoughtfully prepare” as I live on the edges. I didn’t prepare as well as I could’ve yesterday but now I know.
Thanks for your thoughts Yuki. I like “thoughtfully prepare” – and also looking at mistakes as opportunities to learn and do it differently next time. I’m practicing that now!