The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog
Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on May 20, 2013
“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” George Bernard Shaw
I have clients (and colleagues, and friends, and family members…and myself at times) who are so afraid of messing up that they don’t do anything. Who are interested in learning a new skill or stepping up at work or going after their dream, but stop themselves before they move forward because they hate the thought of making a blunder or seeming like they don’t know what they’re doing.
But doing nothing is worse than making a mistake by far. It keeps us stagnant and, at times, bored. It keeps us from learning and growing. It keeps us from connecting with other people and stretching beyond what we know.
So what if you don’t know what you’re doing? What if you might make a fool of yourself, or try something and fail? How can we let that be okay when we’re driven to excel, to look like we know nearly everything, to always do our best?
What if our best includes making mistakes so that we can learn new things? That’s a paradigm shift. Remember, I’m the one who didn’t like learning to ski because I wasn’t good at it at first. I didn’t want to fall down; instead I wanted to ski flawlessly down the mountain the first time. So I know how to learn to be okay with making mistakes – and as I’ve shared my experiences with my clients, they share theirs with me. And together we’ve learned to:
- admit to others when we’re trying something new, so that when we stumble (or fall) they’re not as shocked
- ask for help (and patience) as we try new things
- celebrate our new learnings (and ourselves) along the way – even our mistakes
- break our dreams, goals, and new assignments down into smaller pieces, so that they’re not as daunting and if (or when) we do make mistakes, the mistakes have fewer negative ramifications
Allowing ourselves to make mistakes is the only way we can allow ourselves to try, learn, and do new things. It is more honorable and useful than doing nothing. But it takes Thoughtful preparation and patience, and often a sense of humor!
Try something new. Make a mistake. Keep going.
How do you let yourself make mistakes to learn? Click here to share.
Listen for the voices in your head that tell you you can’t do something that you long to do – and then do that thing and see what happens.
For support in making mistakes and being okay with that, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on March 25, 2013
“Fall down seven times, get up eight times.” Japanese Proverb
I now enjoy skiing. I used to hate it.
I hated it because I fell. And I hated that I fell. I once made my ski instructor fall getting off the lift. He told me he hadn’t fallen off a lift in over ten years. But I took him out. I hated it. I thought I was stupid, inept, uncoordinated, and the third of these might have been true. But I wasn’t stupid, I was learning. I had to learn to let myself learn.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on January 28, 2013
“One should always be a little improbable.” Oscar Wilde
The other day my husband told me I was stuck in a rut. “You always order the same food at this restaurant,” he complained. “You need to live a little, try a few different things.”
He’s right, in some ways. I can get stuck in a rut. I can stick with the same food (at least then I know I’ll like what I get), or the same exercise routines (which, as articles point out, bring me less rewards because my muscles get used to the workout), or the same path when I walk to a usual location. And sometimes ruts are useful and good – because then we do know we’ll like what we get, or others know what they can expect of us. However, a bit of improbability can be a great thing.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on January 21, 2013
“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” Michelangelo
One of my clients has a symbol of inspiration on his desk – a paperweight with a simple yet mighty question – “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” He said this question opens his mind and helps him to see new directions. The paperweight, and question, sit on my desk as well – as a reminder that I need to reach for the things that really matter to me and not limit myself through fear or doubt.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on December 17, 2012
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain
The other day we were facilitating a leadership program for a client. We collected evaluations at the end of the day, as always, so that we could learn and improve how we engage participants and provide them with value. As I went through the evaluations, I came upon one that was the best I’d ever seen. One person wrote that just the day before they had decided they no longer wanted to manage others because they no longer thought they could do it well. And our program convinced this person to give it another shot.
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Posted by Robyn McLeod on November 8, 2012
 The thing that most often gets in the way of brilliant ideas is the desire not to be wrong. When we second-guess ourselves, convince ourselves of the error in our thinking, tell ourselves that our idea will fail, or listen to others who poo-poo our bursts of brilliance, innovation and growth suffers.
A great leader not only facilitates innovative thinking and great ideas but encourages failure as well. A great leader says “Let’s try it” rather than “That won’t work;” “Take a risk” rather than “Play it safe;” “What do you need?” rather than “What were you thinking?” He or she knows that some of the best ideas can come from small tweaks and incremental improvements rather than waiting for “the next big thing.”
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on October 8, 2012
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Gandhi
It almost feels as if there’s nothing I can add to this quote. I had to read it a few times myself for all of the weight of it to sink in.
What if we were to live as if we were to die tomorrow? What would we do? What would we say? How would we spend our time and who with? I know for me that thought makes me want to stop mid-sentence and tell everyone I love that I love them. It makes me want to choose something to do in the next moment that will really add value (as hopefully this Thoughtful Leaders™ Minute will). It makes me want to live at risk and go for my dreams. It makes me thoughtful and more intentional – and aware of the beauty in the world around me and all that I can enjoy.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on October 1, 2012
“I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.” George Burns
Failure is a tough word. We all agree that we’d rather do something we love than something we hate, but to fail at it? That can be a challenge.
We are blessed with the opportunity to meet many different people through our work, and to support them as they examine what they love, what they hate, and what their perspective is on failure. We’ve found that it is often the fear of failure that gets in the way of our clients trying and embracing what they would love to do.
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Posted by Lisa Kohn on August 23, 2012
 You all know I believe in failure. We teach the concept to our clients; we share Calvin and Hobbes approach to failure with a huge “Ta Da!!” when we fall on our faces; we coach others to celebrate their failures as a step on their road forward. But still failure can be so hard. And allowing ourselves intentionally to fail can be even harder. But there’s something to learn in allowing ourselves to fail, and in walking through that failure as our best self.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on July 9, 2012
“Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.” Henry Ford
We lambast ourselves (and others) for mistakes. “What was I thinking?” we lament. “How could I (or you) have been so stupid?” Yet it is often our mistakes that finally get us to where we need and want to go…if we let them.
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Lynn DiBonaventura 
Thank you for this post! A great reminder to get out of my comfort zone and “thoughtfully prepare” as I live on the edges. I didn’t prepare as well as I could’ve yesterday but now I know.
Thanks for your thoughts Yuki. I like “thoughtfully prepare” – and also looking at mistakes as opportunities to learn and do it differently next time. I’m practicing that now!