The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog
Posted by Lisa Kohn on May 2, 2013
 From the moment we wake up, we can be – and often are – in conflict with others. With our family members over how the day will go, with team members about the best next step on a project, with our manager over how to implement a new process, with colleagues about budget issues, with the person on line in front of you who is taking too long to order…the list goes on. Conflict is unavoidable and generally unenjoyable. And if mishandled it can negatively impact the results we’re trying to achieve and ruin our day…or our week.
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Posted by Lisa Kohn on April 18, 2013
 It was not the first time my son said “No” to my “Yes” that day. It felt like the umpteenth, even if it was maybe only the third. I felt like I was slogging through sludge to get anywhere with him, to get anything done. And so I stopped. “I give up,” I said. “This feels as if I’m swimming upstream and I am not a salmon looking to spawn, so I refuse to swim upstream. I’m done fighting.”
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on April 1, 2013
“By yielding you may obtain victory.” Ovid
Just the other day I was about to tear my hair out because of my 3-year old son. All I needed to do was get out the door to run a few errands. And I swear, when I have an agenda, something I need to get done, it’s like he smells it. And he pushes equally hard in the opposite direction. I find myself screaming (at least inside) at him – and then I lose it even more because I know that that’s not the way I want to parent.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on March 4, 2013
“We are not retreating – we are advancing in another direction.” Douglas MacArthur
We recently had a disagreement with a vendor we hired to help us with our business. Our first impulse was to argue for “our money’s worth” and demand that we get what we had originally contracted for, but we realized that fighting with the vendor would be a negative drain on our energy and our business. We decided instead to view the event as a learning process and to move on and invest our time, energy, and money somewhere else. Some may view this as giving up and giving in, but we knew it was the right move for us.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on November 26, 2012
“You get what you tolerate.” Susan Scott
Every day I hear someone complain about people in their lives who don’t know what they’re doing. Their employees or peers don’t live up to their expectations; their boss treats them in ways they can’t stand; their children and significant others take them for granted and show no appreciation. As someone once told me, “You get what you tolerate.”
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on September 3, 2012
“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.” American proverb
Many times a breakdown in a team, relationship, or conversation is simply based on a lack of complete knowledge. When the blinds aren’t raised, when we’re at least partially in the dark, we are operating without complete information. When we don’t have complete information, we react – we act upon something that isn’t necessarily true, or we make up information to fill the void. A colleague doesn’t return our phone call and we’re convinced they’re angry or out to get us. Our boss assigns a plum project to someone else and we’ve decided it’s time to get a new job because we’re no longer in favor. Our significant other clams up when it comes to a heated discussion, and we decide that they’re not invested in the relationship. While all of these may be true, we honestly just don’t know.
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Posted by Lisa Kohn on August 23, 2012
 You all know I believe in failure. We teach the concept to our clients; we share Calvin and Hobbes approach to failure with a huge “Ta Da!!” when we fall on our faces; we coach others to celebrate their failures as a step on their road forward. But still failure can be so hard. And allowing ourselves intentionally to fail can be even harder. But there’s something to learn in allowing ourselves to fail, and in walking through that failure as our best self.
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Posted by Robyn McLeod on April 19, 2012
 Recently I attended a workshop led by two dynamic facilitators. Their credentials, renown, and years of experience certainly were impressive, but it was their handling of one incident during the session that truly highlighted their mastery of facilitation and connection to others and provided a great leadership lesson for dealing with difficult people.
Here’s what happened: As I settled into my chair in the front of the room, I heard a woman (Let’s call her Pat) behind me speaking in very irritated and angry tones. It seemed that someone had moved her belongings to another chair while she was up getting coffee. Pat clearly took this as an affront and fussed, mostly to herself, about inconsiderate and rude people. I noticed that people around her were looking somewhat uncomfortable.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on February 13, 2012
“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” John Quincy Adams
Ever notice that sometimes when you are about to give up – when you’ve tried too hard or too long and the obstacles seem too great, when you just don’t have it in you to keep going – as if by magic, you have a breakthrough. I see this in my own life, when the prospects with whom I have been following up with for years finally bring us in for a project. I witness it in the lives of my clients, when the proposal they’ve put before their boss, which has seemingly disappeared, is brought back as a topic of discussion…and then funded. I notice it in the life of my son, who has literally cried his way through homework because handwriting is so difficult for him, and then one day he found himself easily putting pencil to paper and capturing his thoughts without struggling. In each one of these instances, frustration has been high and we’ve all been at the “breaking point,” but when we’ve been patient, when we’ve persevered, it has been magical.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on January 23, 2012
“A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.” David Brinkley
I was speaking with a colleague recently who told her tale of woe about a large project she was heading up at work. She shared a litany of roadblocks and obstacles. “Every time I turn around,” she said, “It’s like someone else has come up with yet another ridiculous hoop I have to jump through and a reason why my project will fail…or shouldn’t even be started. At times I just want to quit.”
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[...] Conflict is Good – So Let’s Fight! Only kidding. Finally, I ran across an article this morning about how effective teams actually encourage a degree of conflict. They reach higher levels of interaction by letting things flare up a little from time to time. [...]
Thanks Steve. We agree (and teach) that conflict is good and necessary. It often brings out the best ideas and strongest results – when its managed effectively. Thanks for sharing!!