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The Thoughtful Leaders™ BlogAre you truly listening?
The other day I was ‘listening‘ to my colleague. We were in the midst of a heated discussion, and it was her turn to share. I knew how to listen – I teach listening skills after all. I kept my mouth shut and allowed her to speak her piece…biding my time until I could jump in with my retort or, in my mind at least, my incredibly stronger argument. Related Posts:Leave a Reply5 things your coach won’t tell you (and a few things they will…or should)
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Related Posts:Leave a ReplyDo you need a reality check?
My office was on the same floor as the customer service center, so I began to regularly walk into the center, greet the representatives working the phones, and observe the goings-on in the center. Being more visible and accessible to team members at all levels helped me to see and hear more of what was not working well in our strategy. What I learned was the managers were ingratiating themselves to me and not giving me the hard facts about our situation. Related Posts:Leave a ReplyWhy it’s hard to get along with some people
It is possible to move a lot closer to this utopian workplace if all of your employees are equipped with two things – an awareness of their own styles as well as those of others, and skills for successfully having critical conversations. It is a powerful combination of Thoughtful Leadership™ practices that can rid your organization of time-wasting conflicts and petty turf wars, while it leads to better work relationships. Related Posts:Leave a ReplyHow NOT to receive feedback
Sam, on the other hand, arrived like a bull in a china shop – questioning everything, micromanaging, withholding information, and treating people poorly. In one year he wreaked havoc on morale and created bottlenecks to progress that had been made within the organization. Related Posts:2 Responses to “How NOT to receive feedback”Leave a ReplySharing a great op-ed about technology vs. conversation
Related Posts:Leave a ReplyI could be wrong
I am convinced that there would be less conflict in life – even in the world – if more of us were willing and able to admit that we might be wrong. Whenever I get most stuck with colleagues, clients, or family members, it is invariably because both parties (noticeably myself included) are convinced that they are right. That their opinion is “Truth,” and that this Truth is the only real and valid truth. Related Posts:Leave a Reply |
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I firmly believe in the 
Years ago in one of my first leadership roles, I was nervous about taking over a department that was new to me. I was seen as a strong manager but I knew that I had a steep learning curve ahead to understand the ins and outs of the work of the department. At the time I believed that I could not lead effectively if I did not know more about the day-to-day work than anyone else. I pored over reports, data, and manuals, attended endless meetings – and never asked questions of my team out of fear that they would see me as weak. I felt I had to know everything there was to know about our area – and that belief made the transition a lot harder than it needed to be.
I make up stories. We all do. I make up stories about my colleagues, my family members, my friends, and strangers on the street. Sometimes my stories bring out my, and others’, best behavior. Sometimes my stories help me be a stronger leader. And sometimes my stories make my life worse.
In our last quarterly newsletter we introduced you to our Better Work Relationships formula – the combination of Thoughtful Leadership™ practices that lead to more effective and productive interactions at work. The first part of the formula – having an awareness of your own style and that of others – creates an environment where you and your employees are able to flex and adapt your styles and approaches in order to benefit from style differences rather than be derailed by them. In our last newsletter we shared information on one tool for building that awareness, the DiSC® behavioral styles assessment.
As a new mid-level executive, I felt somewhat distanced from the front-line work of my customer service team and relied heavily on my management team to keep abreast of day-to-day operations – as it should be. When results began to dip, however, I found that the managers would put up a good front in our leadership meetings, agree with my suggestions, and never offer alternative solutions. While I liked having a very supportive group of managers around me, agreeing with my decisions, I wondered what they may have not been telling me.
Imagine a workplace where everyone gets along, where differing opinions and perspectives are aired and resolved through productive and enlightening conversations, where staff members are skilled at understanding and sensing others’ needs and can adapt their way of communicating in order to reach mutually agreeable decisions. Not very realistic, huh? But can it exist?
We sat on pins and needles as “Sam” perused his 360° feedback report. Sam had joined our team as the general manager about a year earlier and it was a difficult year for all of us who reported to him. Our previous boss was someone who had established great rapport with everyone, invested time in building trust within the organization, and focused keenly on developing people.
We have written about the impact of technology on our lives and work numerous times, sharing our perspectives on how our constant need to email, text, tweet, and update status disconnects us from good old-fashioned face-to-face human interaction. We’ve shared our experiences about being bowled over by a fast-walking texter in Manhattan, observing a group of people around a table focused on their electronic devices rather than each other, coaching an executive about the perils of replying to emails during happy hour (or while driving), empathizing with the employee who spends most meetings with her boss wondering if he has heard a word she has said as he “multitasks” in her presence.
I have seen this movie before. Extremely destructive.
Thanks Karin. It’s all too common, unfortunately.