I was thinking recently about the stupid movie lines that have stayed with me all these years. Check out three of my favorites:
“Stay alive no matter what occurs!” a gorgeous Daniel Day-Lewis shouts to his female love interest in The Last of the Mohicans. How ridiculous. Yet, what does it mean to us normal people? It means, keep going, don’t stop, don’t give up, and take care of yourself. All very important leadership concepts.
“I’ve got no where else to go!” Richard Gere cries to Louis Gossett Jr. in Officer and a Gentleman. Again, a dumb line…but it’s stuck with me for too many years. And the leadership learning – that when our employees (or ourselves) think there’s no other option, no retreat, no escape, no where else to go – we often make it through to the end and succeed (and if you’re Richard Gere, even win the beautiful Debra Winger).
“Talk to me like you’re a two-year old” Cuba Gooding Jr. shouts to his agent, Tom Cruise, in Jerry Maguire. I think he’s mad at Tom. I think he’s trying to insult him… but there’s leadership learning here again. So many problems, arguments, and organizational challenges might just be soothed over or even disappear if we learned to speak to each other clearly, succinctly, and simply. If we learned to speak so that others could really understand us. (And maybe, also, if we learned to look at the others like cute little two-year-olds that we wanted to actually help.)
They may be stupid movie lines, but there’s something to learn in all of them.
What’s a stupid movie line you love with a hidden leadership lesson? Tell us about it.
Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on August 30, 2010
“We find comfort among those who agree with us – growth among those who don’t.” Frank A. Clark
Life seems a lot simpler when everyone agrees, right? Things move a lot faster, decisions get made a lot quicker, and everyone’s happy. When others agree with our opinions, love our ideas, and see the world as we do, it’s validating and it feels good.
However, if I think back to the times when I learned the most, did my best, and went the farthest, they were very often moments when my colleagues, friends, or clients disagreed with me or had a differing point of view. Where they saw my approach, idea, or opinion as mostly or completely wrong. I’ve learned that deepened perspective and understanding, as well as incredible growth, can come from truly hearing and incorporating contrary opinions, or a subtle or even blatant deviation from what we know as “true.”
The challenge is, of course, to realize the value of these different opinions so that we can be open to them, no matter how difficult or even painful that may be. To help ourselves to listen to disagreement, and to even invite it. To ask for it. Therein lies the heart of the matter.
The easiest way to gain this openness is to ask yourself the following questions, to challenge yourself: Where might I be wrong here? What have I missed (or potentially missed)? What have I not taken into consideration? These simple questions, combined with a true willingness to hear the answers, no matter how tough that might be, yield great results and the most growth.
Where might I be wrong here? What might I have missed? How can this disagreement help me? Invite disagreement, especially when you’re most sure. Ask the hard questions and truly listen to the answers.
In the current economic environment, it is crucial for individuals, teams and organizations to continuously improve their performance. Getting and giving useful performance feedback, whether through a formal performance appraisal system, or through less formal, more ad-hoc tools like Rypple, can help greatly. Regardless of whether you are providing feedback in a formal annual review, a brief Rypple survey, or at the water cooler, here are some tips to keep in mind when providing feedback:
Feedback is least useful when it is:
Inaccurate or untrue – or even viewed as inaccurate or untrue: if the feedback recipient doubts the accuracy of the feedback, it is unlikely he or she will be able to learn from it. Be certain to check the accuracy, and to prepare specific examples to clarify, if necessary.
Biased due to favoritism or politics: although nothing in human affairs in general or the workplace in particular is ever “objective”, the more the feedback can stand on its own rather than being seen as part of some personal or political agenda, the better.
Insensitive and unduly critical: this kind of feedback is unlikely to be “heard” – the recipient will be too upset to process what you are saying.
Not specific or actionable: anything vague or out of the person’s control is not going to help him or her do anything differently. Feedback needs to be about a specific behavior that can be changed. (Hint: A behavior is a verb. If your feedback does not include a verb, you are likely sharing an opinion and/or judgment.)
Constituted by orders or ultimatums: this kind of feedback is likely to raise hackles rather than willingness or ability to improve.
Feedback is most useful when it is:
Candid and honest: this kind of feedback is credible and although it can be painful, is your best bet for helping the person get his or her game up.
Specific and actionable: the more behaviorally-based the feedback is, rather than character-based, the more able the recipient will be to implement what you suggest. (Again, note the hint above. Look for a verb.)
Based on more than one incident or example: without trying to “build a case”, it is still helpful to bring multiple examples into your feedback so that the person can see patterns as they appear to others.
Based on more than one person’s view: this can be tricky – on one hand, if multiple people share a perception, it is likely to be more valid and credible. At the same time, you don’t want the person to whom you’re giving feedback to feel ganged up on, and it is essential that you share your own observations. “Everyone says this…” will only lead the person to whom you’re giving feedback to wonder who exactly said what.
Framed positively and constructively: this is the opposite of being unduly critical. People are more likely to hear and act on feedback if you use a “carrot” rather than a “stick” in describing to them the potential benefits of doing something better or differently.
Summarized and integrated into key themes: it is helpful to summarize the feedback by sharing a few overall themes in order to give the person a big picture view and provide linkages to the specific feedback items.
Most important – it is always important to give feedback.
I just came upon this speech by Sheena Iyengar. She was speaking at a TED conference on the art of choosing. It’s twenty-four minutes, and it’s twenty-four minutes worth watching.
What I found most amazing is the revelations she offered about how we all get so easily, and unknowingly, stuck in our own perceptions of the world. She speaks of choice, and the different relationships with choice that we all have – largely because of how we were raised or where we were raised. Americans, of course, like choice, respond well to choice, and choose choice. Burger King tells us to “Have it your way.” Starbucks tell us that “Happiness is in our choices.” Which is all fine. However, Sheena points out, that we, as Americans, tend to believe that our approach to choice is the best, the one that fulfills the innate desires of all humans. But, what she has shown through her research, and shares during her brief speech, is that we base these beliefs on assumptions that simply do not hold true in other cultures. Other cultures, other people, see choice differently. People from some cultures respond better to having fewer choices. People from other cultures are more comfortable and perform better when a choice is made for them. And they too think that their view is best. That their choice is right.
Everything that opens my mind to how I can be more open to the minds of others…I choose that!
Those of you who know us at Chatsworth Consulting Group know that we believe in Thoughtful Leadership – looking inside yourself, taking the time to reflect, and taking action with thought and clarity. I recently came across a great piece on the subject of looking inside yourself and knowing yourself – and wanted to share. This blogpost at thoughtLEADERS llc outlines four areas for every leader to reflect on and know for themselves – finding your internal motivation, charting your path, stating how you’ll move down your path, and most important from my perspective, inspiring yourself. They recommend creating a living, evolving document that describes your leadership philosophy and the maxims and principles by which you will lead. Good stuff!
A recent Wall Street Journal article “Leadership Training Gains Urgency Amid Stronger Economy” talks about the urgency many companies are feeling around leadership development and training. Seems that the cutbacks during the last few years are coming back to haunt us, and many organizations are finding they don’t have leaders and managers with requisite skills and knowledge to take on new projects or to step in as others move on.
One of the first things to go in many of our client companies, as the recession hit, was the investment in developing leaders and training new managers. At the time, it probably seemed like one of the smartest and most prudent ways to tighten their belts and hunker down for the duration. Only, as things start to recover and new opportunities for growth appear, companies are realizing that they now have a shortage of people to lead them to the future and manage their day-to-day effectively.
How is this phenomenon affecting your organization?
By one study, fifty percent of companies surveyed planned to increase their leadership development budgets – to reinvest in their greatest asset. Is that something you should do?
Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on August 2, 2010
“Failure is an event, never a person.” William Brown
Why is it that managing is, I hate to say, in some ways so similar to raising children, or training a pet. I mean no offense by this comment. I firmly believe that if we could see things in this way it might help us be even more effective at getting the best out of the people who work for us.
When our children make a mistake – when they forget to pick up their socks, when they don’t put their dishes in the sink, when they get caught up with their friends and don’t call to tell us they’ll be late – we see a mistake and an opportunity to teach and develop. Usually not an overall issue with them as a person. When our pets fail to listen – they go into the room we’ve made off-limits, they jump on visitors who come to our house – we give them the benefit of the doubt, redirect them, and love them anyway.
But when the people who work for us slip-up, miss something, or blunder in front of a client or customer we often jump to the final conclusion – they’re not cut out for the position, they don’t measure up, they’re simply wrong. We judge them, not their behavior. And we try and correct them, not their behavior.
When we can see failure in the people around us as simply an event – an occurrence that needs to be looked at and potentially discussed – rather than as a reflection of the people themselves, we can correct the events. We can focus on the fact that they need to stop inadvertently slamming down the phone, rather than the fact that they’re “too aggressive”. We can help them stop interrupting others, rather than dock them because they’re rude and disrespectful. We can see them as a whole person, and bring the best out of them.
When someone has “failed”, challenge yourself to see the person as a whole and the failure as an event… and then let this new perspective guide your action.
Over many years of work in the corporate arena, most of us can recount in detail the pain and suffering of working for a terrible boss – outbursts, taking credit for others’ work, micromanaging, playing favorites… the list goes on. But what about your favorite boss? How was it to work for someone who made it pleasant to wake up in the morning and head to work? My favorite boss was one of the first people I worked for not long after college, and here’s five things I learned from him about being a great boss:
1. Be tough but fair –
Set clear standards for performance and expect the best from the people who work for you. If you have a poor performer, address the situation right away by having a two-way conversation. Revisit your expectations for performance, share what you are observing about their work, ask questions to learn more about their perspective on the situation, and agree on a plan for improvement.
2. Create an atmosphere of hard work and fun –
Take opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, wins, personal achievements, and team results. Allow time for working hard – and playing hard to ease pressure and create a team spirit. My favorite boss was great at finding ways to bring everyone into the fray. Whether you were extroverted or introverted, single or married with kids, he created opportunities to bring everyone together to learn a little more about each other and enjoy time together.
3. Instill self-confidence–
My favorite boss was a great teacher and a great cheerleader. He freely shared his knowledge and experience and took time each day to focus on developing his employees. I could always count on ten or fifteen minutes with him to show me a better way to do something or to fill me in on information he received at a directors’ meeting. A caring approach, shared knowledge and information, and lots of positive feedback helped all of us on the team to feel good about the work we were doing and to feel confident in our abilities. We knew we were good – even when we made mistakes!
4. Open your door and really listen –
An “open door” policy is more than just keeping your door open and hoping that no one comes in to bug you. Be accessible to your team by keeping your door open, getting up and walking around, and truly listening when someone is speaking to you. If you really are too busy or preoccupied to pay attention, then take a moment to let the person know that and say when you will be free to speak with him or her.
5. Focus more on the “what” not the “how” –
Be clear on goals and objectives for everyone on your team. Make sure that they understand what they are expected to do, what results they are expected to achieve, and what deliverables they are expected to produce. Once they know that, give them room to exceed those expectations in the way that works best for them. There’s no bigger confidence killer, creativity blocker and motivation crusher than a boss who tells you what they want, and then proceeds to tell you exactly how they want it done. My favorite boss was great at focusing on the “what” and letting us determine “how” to get it done. In fact, if you came to him with an issue, you’d better also come with a creative solution to solve it. He knew that the best way for people to grow is to have plenty of opportunities to try new approaches and come up with new ideas. That makes you look forward to another day in the office.
Henry Ford reportedly once complained that all he wanted from a worker was a pair of hands, but that he had to deal with the whole person instead. Each of us brings our whole self to work each day, whether or not we realize it.
As much as we might like to believe we can adapt our personality or our style as needed at work, and as much as some of us do to a small degree, to an outside observer, we are likely to have many of the same strengths and weaknesses in the workplace that we have outside of it. Whether we suffer from a lack of assertiveness or from too much confidence, whether we are accommodating peacemakers or contentious resisters, or whether we are supportive and empathic or businesslike and formal, who we are in our personal lives is inextricably linked to who we are in the workplace. And who we are in our personal lives and in our professional lives is always a function, at least in part, of our early life experience.
As an executive coach, one of my most important roles is to help my clients understand what they are bringing to work each day. To help clients be aware of where some of their approaches to life may come from, and to thoughtfully, or intentionally, choose how they want to act going forward. To be proactive, rather than reactive. I often find that people use language to describe bosses or co-workers that sounds as if they are describing parents or siblings. For example, bosses can be “supportive” or “”critical” and peers can be “competitive” or “favored.” There are times when someone’s early life experience is clearly affecting his or her interactions and causing relationship difficulties in the workplace.
For example, consider the story of a successful finance professional who was having difficulty managing his team. A brilliant technical expert, he did not enjoy supervising others and was widely resented by those who reported directly to him for his curt and brusque answers to their questions. In the course of our work together, he realized his direct reports were bringing back to him childhood memories of having been distracted and discouraged by his siblings, who lacked his academic talent and usually bothered him with requests for assistance with their homework.
By realizing that he was having a kind of flashback and was viewing his present direct reports through the prism of his past experience, this finance guy developed greater patience with his staff. Although he never fully embraced the role of manager, he was able to foster a sense of loyalty and cohesion on his team.
It’s not only sibling relationships that provide an unconscious framework within which workplace relationships and interactions are evaluated. I’ve also worked with many clients for whom parental relationships provide a template for boss-subordinate relationships. Much of our identity and sense of self can be either helped or hindered by our bosses, in a manner strikingly similar to how our parents either encouraged or discouraged us as children.
Whether or not we like to admit it, our self-esteem can be profoundly affected by the positive or negative regard of our superiors in the workplace, and they can confirm our hopes or our fears about ourselves every day. One client described how much more important it was that his boss viewed him as competent and valued than it was to get a salary increase.
Despite having seen many examples of people who have the same issues at home and at work, I have also come across clients who have quite different issues at home and at work; sometimes it even seems that they are opposite issues. An attorney who may be energetically contentious in the courtroom can be calm and friendly with her friends. An overachieving research scientist can forget to balance his checkbook at the end of every month.
However, I find that even in situations where someone has opposite issues at home and in the workplace, the fundamental character issues are related. In fact, the expression of opposite attributes at home and in the workplace makes a kind of sense-things that are overused in one area of life may be underused in another, or in order to compensate for a lack of opportunities to express part of your character at home, you might express it in the workplace.
Whether you are the same person at work and at home, or whether you experience and express different aspects of yourself in your personal life than you do in your professional life, you should consider how your early life experiences provide a prism from the past through which you are evaluating situations in the present
Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on July 19, 2010
“Time has a wonderful way of weeding out the trivial.” Richard Ben Sapir
A colleague caught my ear the other day and recanted his horror story of a mishap at work. Everything had gone wrong; tempers had flared; fingers were pointed…at him. I listened attentively as he clearly needed to share what happened and to be heard. As he finished his account of what occurred, I then did my best to ask questions to pull him in a different direction.
“Five years from now will you even remember this?” I offered. He paused. “What’s really of importance here, of worth to you as a learning for moving forward?” I posed. He hesitated further. “How might you feel about this tomorrow, or even next week?” I suggested. He stopped, finally exhaled, and released the tension that had been coursing through his body.
So often we get stuck in the immediateness and intensity of a challenge or an issue that seems about to blow that we lose perspective. Everything begins to feel like a life or death matter and our emotions kick in, with that wonderful fight or flight response. What we need is the ability to pause, to reflect, and to wait for time to offer us another point of view – this brings clarity and a new outlook on the situation, and often on ourselves. To quote one of my favorite lyricists, “Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny”. Time truly has a way of putting things in perspective and weeding out the trivial so that we can focus on what really matters, what’s important in the long run, and what we’ll remember five years from now and learn from.
Stop. Pause. Give yourself some time so that the trivial can become obvious and you can pay attention to the important things. And see what’s funny, if you can.
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