The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog
Posted by Lisa Kohn on May 2, 2013
 From the moment we wake up, we can be – and often are – in conflict with others. With our family members over how the day will go, with team members about the best next step on a project, with our manager over how to implement a new process, with colleagues about budget issues, with the person on line in front of you who is taking too long to order…the list goes on. Conflict is unavoidable and generally unenjoyable. And if mishandled it can negatively impact the results we’re trying to achieve and ruin our day…or our week.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on April 29, 2013
“Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire and judgment – and, for a moment at least, existing for the other person.” Michael P. Nichols
The other day I was ‘listening‘ to my colleague. We were in the midst of a heated discussion, and it was her turn to share. I knew how to listen – I teach listening skills after all. I kept my mouth shut and allowed her to speak her piece…biding my time until I could jump in with my retort or, in my mind at least, my incredibly stronger argument.
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Posted by Robyn McLeod on April 25, 2013
 Recently on the way home from school my daughter recounted an incident where a classmate hit another student, and then said that it was a reflex to having her hair touched. My daughter shared that this “reflex” was out of her classmate’s control and an unfortunate consequence for the hair-touching culprit. “That is a reaction,” I said. “Not a reflex. A reflex is an automatic impulse that we do not have control over, like kicking your leg when your knee is tapped in just the right way. Hitting someone because they touched your hair is a reaction. A reaction that you in fact have complete control over.”
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Posted by Robyn McLeod on April 11, 2013
 It’s said that the only way to truly grow as a leader is to have access to candid feedback about what you are doing well in leadership and where you need to improve. There are certainly processes that have been established in many organizations to get some of that – annual performance evaluations, 360° feedback, employee opinion surveys, executive coaching – but what steps can you take on your own to ensure that you are getting honest feedback?
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Posted by Robyn McLeod on March 28, 2013
 I am a big proponent of 360-degree feedback – gathering the perspectives of your direct reports and staff, your peers, and your higher-ups to become more aware of how your behaviors, attitudes, and actions impact those around you. My own experience with receiving 360 feedback helped me to appreciate the value of this process and revealed that some of the very things that were my strengths were also the things that were getting in my way of being more effective.
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Posted by Robyn McLeod on March 14, 2013
 As parents we can be very focused on teaching our children manners and appropriate behaviors – choosing the right words, using our “inside” voices, sharing, being kind to others. But somewhere along the way we forget that those very behaviors we are instilling in our children are ones that we should remember for ourselves.
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Posted by Chatsworth Consulting Group on March 11, 2013
“Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.” Alice Walker
Years ago I read an article. They asked couples who were married for longer periods of time to share their secrets for success. “Lowered expectations” was the most common response.
I can’t say I always like the idea of lowering my expectations. I believe (and teach) that clarifying and sharing mutual expectations is a first step to effectively communicating and working (and living) with others. That being said, there’s something in what the long-time married couples shared, and what Alice Walker’s quote highlights.
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Posted by Lisa Kohn on February 7, 2013
There was a time when “stupid” was the “s-word” for my children. They felt it was offensive, and squealed when we used it. And perhaps they were right. “Stupid” is one of those loaded words – if you’re directing it at a person, or the behavior of a person, it can be dangerous and it can cause harm. But there’s a time for calling things stupid, and even for being stupid.
With all the pressure on all of us to be effective, productive, successful, and serious-minded (at least most of the time), I’m putting a stake in the ground – perhaps a stupid thing to do – for also being stupid. Because there are some very basic, simple, and even stupid things that we can do that will make our mood, and our day, better. It may not make us more productive or effective or successful – at first – it may only make us happier. And that may very well pay-off in the other dimensions as well.
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Posted by Lisa Kohn on January 24, 2013
 Feedback is something we all hate to do. I teach this stuff and yet I sometimes cringe at having to deliver constructive feedback (we consultants and coaches call it “constructive” or “developmental” instead of “negative”), and I can forget to offer positive feedback, appreciation, and praise. But feedback is essential, because without it how can anyone know what they should keep doing because it’s working, and what they should stop doing or change immediately before it causes real problems. The question is, how do you give feedback, and how can you possibly be Zen about it?
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Posted by Robyn McLeod on January 17, 2013
 A recent blog post on the HBR Daily Alert caught my eye, the title of which was “It’s time for a slow conversation.” We are huge proponents of Thoughtful Leadership™ – taking the time to reflect, assess, and lead with more intention, purpose, and thought. So the idea of a “slow conversation” really spoke to me.
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John Hart 
[...] Conflict is Good – So Let’s Fight! Only kidding. Finally, I ran across an article this morning about how effective teams actually encourage a degree of conflict. They reach higher levels of interaction by letting things flare up a little from time to time. [...]
Thanks Steve. We agree (and teach) that conflict is good and necessary. It often brings out the best ideas and strongest results – when its managed effectively. Thanks for sharing!!