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The Thoughtful Leaders™ BlogStop taking yourself so seriously
We often find that we, and our clients, take ourselves so seriously – way too seriously. And this seriousness often causes us problems and snags along our path. With this in mind, we invite you to read Rule #6 – a short excerpt from The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. It cautions us not to take ourselves too seriously – in a way that we can most likely all remember. A great reminder for the slower days of summer. Related Posts:Leave a ReplyConflict is good – five ways to make it even better!
Related Posts:2 Responses to “Conflict is good – five ways to make it even better!”Leave a ReplyAre you truly listening?
The other day I was ‘listening‘ to my colleague. We were in the midst of a heated discussion, and it was her turn to share. I knew how to listen – I teach listening skills after all. I kept my mouth shut and allowed her to speak her piece…biding my time until I could jump in with my retort or, in my mind at least, my incredibly stronger argument. Related Posts:Leave a ReplyWhere are you derailing your effectiveness?
Related Posts:Leave a ReplyYou can laugh more
I can be very intense. Ask anyone who knows me. I can get caught in the seriousness of a situation, the meaning of a moment, the dilemma of a debate. I can work very hard to find value in each encounter and search for the hidden significance under every comment. And it can bog me down. Related Posts:Leave a ReplyFive tips to navigate the currents of conflict
Related Posts:Leave a ReplyAre you getting honest feedback?
Related Posts:Leave a ReplyNo is a complete sentence
Related Posts:Leave a ReplyStop swimming upstream
Just the other day I was about to tear my hair out because of my 3-year old son. All I needed to do was get out the door to run a few errands. And I swear, when I have an agenda, something I need to get done, it’s like he smells it. And he pushes equally hard in the opposite direction. I find myself screaming (at least inside) at him – and then I lose it even more because I know that that’s not the way I want to parent. Related Posts:Leave a ReplyYour strengths can hurt you
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From the moment we wake up, we can be – and often are – in conflict with others. With our family members over how the day will go, with team members about the best next step on a project, with our manager over how to implement a new process, with colleagues about budget issues, with the person on line in front of you who is taking too long to order…the list goes on. Conflict is unavoidable and generally unenjoyable. And if mishandled it can negatively impact the results we’re trying to achieve and ruin our day…or our week.
Recently on the way home from school my daughter recounted an incident where a classmate hit another student, and then said that it was a reflex to having her hair touched. My daughter shared that this “reflex” was out of her classmate’s control and an unfortunate consequence for the hair-touching culprit. “That is a reaction,” I said. “Not a reflex. A reflex is an automatic impulse that we do not have control over, like kicking your leg when your knee is tapped in just the right way. Hitting someone because they touched your hair is a reaction. A reaction that you in fact have complete control over.”
It was not the first time my son said “No” to my “Yes” that day. It felt like the umpteenth, even if it was maybe only the third. I felt like I was slogging through sludge to get anywhere with him, to get anything done. And so I stopped. “I give up,” I said. “This feels as if I’m swimming upstream and I am not a salmon looking to spawn, so I 
It’s said that the only way to truly grow as a leader is to have access to candid feedback about what you are doing well in leadership and where you need to improve. There are certainly processes that have been established in many organizations to get some of that – annual performance evaluations, 360° feedback, employee opinion surveys, executive coaching – but what steps can you take on your own to ensure that you are getting honest feedback?
Why is “no” such a difficult thing to say? We’re great at it when we’re two. “No” seems to be our favorite word at that age (at least it was for my kids). But somewhere along the line we forget that ability; we forget the word. Someone asks us to do something that we long to say “no” to, and yet, perhaps out of guilt or fear or shame, or perhaps out of more positive motivations like compassion and caring, we find ourselves saying “yes.” Agreeing to what we knew we didn’t want to do. So many of us forget how to say “no,” or think we can’t, or know we shouldn’t, or know we 
I am a big proponent of 360-degree 
[...] Conflict is Good – So Let’s Fight! Only kidding. Finally, I ran across an article this morning about how effective teams actually encourage a degree of conflict. They reach higher levels of interaction by letting things flare up a little from time to time. [...]
Thanks Steve. We agree (and teach) that conflict is good and necessary. It often brings out the best ideas and strongest results – when its managed effectively. Thanks for sharing!!